Sunday, October 13, 2013

F#19: Failure

Things took an extra crazy turn Labor Day weekend when my fiance dislocated his ankle and my fifteen minute commute became an hour so I could drive him to work.

As a result of this, I have been thinking about failure.  Little failures, big failures; my failures, others' failures.  As someone with a competitive nature (against myself or others), I hate the idea of not winning.  Coming in even second or third will still irk me, because I could have been better.

But let's start with the failures of others.  Specifically, Congress.  We're in day twelve (or thirteen) of the shut down.  Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have been doing a great job lambasting them all, while NPR is covering it with a bit more neutrality.  Every morning we get into the car and, before we turn on the radio, we ask ourselves "Is the government still shut down?"  The answer has been yes.

Which is stupid.  Look, ObamaCare is a law.  If Republicans want to over turn it, they should put up enough quality candidates next year to replace the Democrats and then have it overturned that way.  But as it stands, the idea of affordable health care for all Americans is a thing that is happening.  So stop dragging your feet and get your acts together.  REAL people are wondering how they are going to pay their bills, while you are using the gym and sauna (because those are apparently "essential" to the government).  This failure to pass a budget, and the looming failure to raise the debt ceiling cannot end well if someone doesn't put on their big boy panties and deal with it.

My own failures are more eclectic.  I am currently failing at housekeeping because I don't have the energy after my two hours in the car, on top of my actual job of teaching.  And today, when I have the house to myself...getting out the vacuum is absolutely the last thing I want to be doing.  Tangentially, I am also failing at cooking anything of quality with regularity.  

At work, I am feeling like a failure as well.  I don't have enough time before or after school to get my act together, and the little time I have during the day is just enough to breathe.  My classes are huge this year, bigger than they've been since I first started, and it's taking a lot of energy to wrangle that many teenagers, many of whom REALLY do not want to be there.  I want to try new things, be creative and amazing, but I am failing to trust my students to be able to take the road less traveled.  (I did try something on Friday, and the success level was...minimal.)

I'm also feeling like a failure as a bride-to-be.  I am obviously SO excited to be getting married, specifically to my fiance as opposed to anyone else.  But I'm not feeling the excitement right now; I'm only looking at the things that still aren't done and wondering how it'll all work out.  We don't have music chosen yet for our first dance; no rings have been purchased because I can't find what I want (a failure on my part to want a lot of bling).  

There's also kitty-mom failure.  Someone is still peeing in the corner, even after we tore up our wood floor in the corner and exposed the concrete.  These are some of the most loved cats on the planet, and they thank me by urinating on my floor.  Awesome.  Thanks guys.  What am I doing wrong?

I'm sure I'm also failing to remember other things I am currently failing at.  

There seems to be some success in the weight loss/healthy life category.  Taking up running this summer has not been an enjoyable experience, but many people who see me are commenting that there is apparently less of me.  I haven't put myself on a scale in a while, but my clothes do feel a little bit different.  And my wedding dress did need to be taken in more than I expected, so that's something.

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