Saturday, July 12, 2014

F#25: Friends

My step-son's birthday party did not kill me; I know you were all worried.

How it got to be July, I do not really know.  I mean, I obviously understand the concept of time moving forward, But I feel like I was just wearing layers of sweaters and now I'm fighting the "stay cool" fight.  (Our pool is closed again after opening not happy about that.)

But today I am thinking about friends and friendships.  Friends come in and out of our lives at various times, for various reasons.  We grow up and away from some people, but toward others.  Physical distance, changing tastes, changing lives all play a part in the landscape of platonic relationships.

I have great friendships with a lot of wonderful men and women.  Some of these friendships have been unexpected, others are straddling that line between co-worker and companion.  Some are really in a great place.

But then there are the friendships that fade, that change in ways that could not be predicted, and that makes me sad.  I feel people drifting away, people with whom I thought I would share amazing moments.  As someone with a unique set of self-esteem hangups, I assume that this is somehow my fault, that I have not done enough to keep these relationships healthy.  

Was I just lazy about checking in?  It feels kind of like dating someone new.  How often should I text?  Should I be upset when they don't text me back?  When do you text again?  At what point do you realize that your friend just isn't that into you and you need to give up the dream?  

I get a little offended when people I thought I was close to don't share things with me.  I like to be helpful and supportive, to share in the highs and lows with people who have done the same with me?  Perhaps I ask too much of people; perhaps I over-share my feelings and experiences with the wrong people, and that's why I don't get a balanced response in return.  Does this make me selfish?  Do I not have an accurate understanding of humans?  Does it really matter?

Moral of the story/questions: Friends are important and we should try to hang on to the good ones.  But how do you maintain friendships?  What are the signs someone just isn't into you anymore?